So we see the Occupy Wall Street movement all over the news. We hear the wonderful unemployment statistics (I say that sarcastically) nearing 11% in some states and over 11% in others and we try to bury our heads in the sand. Sometimes the bad news can be overwhelming. This news can be especially troubling […]
I have heard from many people that the best remedy to get over the pain of an old relationship is a new relationship. I have heard some people say it jokingly and other people say it seriously, and yet others say it as they are trying to justify moving into a new relationship. What do I think? Well, you are reading my blog, so I am assuming you are wondering. My thoughts are this: Imagine that a break-up is similar to someone cutting open your chest, reaching in, and ripping out your heart. They walk away with it leaving your chest open, exposed, a gaping hole. How many people would you rub up against with this exposed wound? What would you do? You would probably want to dress the wound, keep it away from anyone, and stay out of sight until it heals. This is the same care and attention you should give to a broken heart. The best remedy is: Time. The best way to spend that time is: Alone. The definition of rebound is: Bounce back through the air after hitting a hard surface or object. So your heart has been slammed into a wall and is flying free, looking for any kind of support. You have to be careful not to fall prey to the first person to catch it. Take control of your heart and spend some time alone. How long? Well, it depends on how long you were in the relationship. You may also want to read this article about whether you are ready to date again.
Grieve: It’s ok to cry. A breakup is like a death. You have to grieve the hopes and dreams you once had, the life you thought you would live together, and the word ‘us’ instead of me. Grief has five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These stages do not go in any particular order, nor does anyone experience them in the same way.
Get to know yourself: What are the things you like to do? How often do you do things along? What do you look like outside of a relationship? When you find you are happy and able to live life fully alone, believe it or not, this is the best time to look for someone to compliment an already full life.
Take some time ‘off’ from the ex; Some people think that they can be friends with the ex, have a casual relationship, or still ‘hang out’. This kind of relationship usually ends with someone getting hurt, beyond repair. While you are healing, you should do it alone.
Get involved in activities! Get involved in activities that promote health and wellness. You could take a Yoga class, a cooking class, an art class. You may decide to join a mindfulness group or see a therapist. All of these things can help you get on track to being a better you.
Once an ex is in your past, leave them there! If you find it difficult to talk to anyone without bringing up your ex, you are not ready to date again. Once your ex is put in your past, you should move forward. Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves. What did you learn about yourself? about how you relate to others? about what you will allow? what you expect? Take these things as valuable lessons and apply them in your future. Move forward with the lessons learned and leave the baggage in the past.